Welcome to My Hellhouse.

It was a nice little walk, and yet another encounter with The Silence. I went out into the woods today, just to clear my head. Sometimes it gets hard to be cooped up inside all day, too- it drives you to distraction, I think. The walls just have a way of looming around you, looking at you, in the same sort of scrutinizing way that makes my skin crawl when people look at you. I can't decide if the gaze of immovable stone is worse than the sheer quantity of curious people glancing at you before hurrying on with their days. Still, there are few things as soothing as heading out into the woods when it all falls quiet around you. I was lurking around on some message boards for hikers as one does, mostly because hearing people talk on the radio can give me palpitations sometimes if I'm really not feeling all that great- which is how I tend to feel when I'm thinking of heading up to the trails, anyways. Not that I really stick to the well trodden path, I usually detour off into the trees where I know most people will be too afraid to go or just have no idea how to access, since it can be really tricky sometime. Plus, running water seems to be a pretty big deterrent for most people- I think they're afraid of of crossing the bodies of water. Granted, the banks can be pretty slippery, especially if they're swollen and soft from recent heavy raining, but that's what listening to livetime updates and warnings posted on the forums is for. It's lucky that it's open to the public, because I get pretty nervous about the idea of accidentally interacting with anyone's stuff or getting a private message out of the blue, or things like that- I don't really want to be interacted with outside of it being on my own terms. People are hard. People also don't seem to be too fond of how everything falls to a standstill out there sometimes, but I can't imagine why. It's a perfect sense of being alone.

It was pretty gloomy out today, not stormily grey- but the sort of pale, blank slate that comes with the inevitable sensation of your head being crushed in a vice grip. Barometric pressure changes or whatever blow. I did find an old mini lunchbox of mine, though- it's metal with the design raised. I'm not sure if it was actually meant to be used to hold snacks, since it's quite small, but I got it when I was buying some candy- the little sugary gummies inside were all really good, but I remember especially loving the blueberry ones, they were pale purple and encrusted with sugar and inexplicably lovely in a way that the unprocessed fruit itself isn't, most of the time. I think I just have a sweet tooth in general though, as evidenced by my White Rabbit candy fixation. The wrappers are so pretty. I was sitting outside on the porch earlier, because for some reason it helps my head a little if I'm outside when the weather has gone to the dogs like that- maybe it's just a placebo effect. I saw a little cat off in the distance, prowling at the edges of the lawn. I'm going to have to steel myself for setting up a curbside drop off pick up sort of situation, but hopefully it comes back, so I can give it some treats and become friends... The lease here doesn't allow for pets, which sucks, but the landlord's not even in the country, and no one ever specified anything about befriending them on the porch. I'm kind of excited, I've spent most of the evening drafting a cat box design to keep the little guy cozy...